Also need advice!

Well I am 27, married with two kids and my Mom is VERY overbearing. She thinks that I am still ten years old! I can't make any adult decision without her chewing me out! Anyway, a week ago I emailed my Mom's bestfriends' ex daughter in law... follow me LOL? Anyway, I emailed this girl "Cara" to see if she wanted wanted to get the kids together because our daughters went to school together and this girl "Cara" and I have hungout once before. She is really cool person. Well somehow my Mom's bestfriend "Lisa" found out and called my Mom... my Mom then called me! The deal is "Cara" had a affair while she was married to the son of Lisa, but he could no longer deal with it (she said she was sorry) and so they divorced. I knew the son all growing up, but nothing other than seeing him every now and then. I really don't know him. I have only seen "Lisa" maybe five times since I moved back here seven years ago. I thought that the whole family was on good terms and I didn't think any drama would get started from me emailing the ex to if we could meet for a playdate sometime. My Mom said a lot of horrible things to me and said that if I ever get a divorce I will understand. I just believe people need to forgive and mature. I already made plans to meet up with "Cara". Do I just cancel and never talk to her again or should I still hangout with her and explain how I feel to the others. I personally feel like they need to understand this is silly. Please tell me what you honestly think. Thanks so much!

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Permalink Reply by Molly Hanes O'Hara on June 2, 2012 at 8:25pm

stop letting your mother control your life . I couldn't deal with that.

as for the thing with cara, what does her personal business in her marriage have to do with you getting your kids together and hanging out?

Permalink Reply by Vincent David on June 3, 2012 at 12:04am

Your mom is butting in where she should not be.  It is your life and she should respect that.  Be nice, but be firm and tell your mom that you would like to so this and she can support your decision or not.

Permalink Reply by Jessica6532 on June 3, 2012 at 1:20am

Ummm, you should do what you think is best for your kids.  You will never make everyone happy.  IF your kids want to play with her kids, everyone else can deal with it.  On a related note, don't take any crap from anyone, you are a grown up now, and while there is nothing wrong with others giving advice, stand up for yourself if it goes too far into the "order" range.  What you need to understand is that no one else needs to understand what you are doing or get any sort of explanation....IT'S YOUR LIFE...grow a pair

Permalink Reply by Melissa U. on June 3, 2012 at 5:36am

You don't have to explain to anyone why you want to have a play date with someone. (regardless of relationship) Not even your Mom. You are an adult. Go through with the visit for the kids if they are the ones that want to get together. :) 

Permalink Reply by happymom on June 5, 2012 at 4:42pm

Thanks so much everyone! It means a lot that you took the time to help me figure this out and it made me feel a lot better! My Mom made me feel like I was this narcissistic person and I was the wrong one. I just needed to hear multiple opinions from people that were not close friends.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Roach on June 5, 2012 at 11:30pm

Okay my opinion is not to disagree that you believe your mother to be overbearing and I agree that you should live your own life...very true. However, just reading what you posted, I think I would even decide is really a good idea to create a connection with an ex of my mother's best friend son who chose to ignore the sanctity of marriage. Though your kids do not understand this mature concept, I would wonder if there are not other people I would want to connect with who might make better choices. If those choices are not good ones, what would the other influences be from that adult with my child or children. 

Just thoughts to consider.... Best of luck. :0)

Permalink Reply by Debra Poole on June 9, 2012 at 11:31am

I think it's good that your asking for different view's, always healthy and then make your own decision because YOU can do it. :)  Life doesn't have to be drama.  Even if people try to wrap us up in it.  We have options.  The real question is who do you want for a role model in your life and your children?  We are influenced by those around us.  We didn't get to pick our family, but we can pick everyone else.  People can change but they usually have the same thinking process, problem solving methods.  So given that situation again they may make a similar choice.  Mother's  are examples of what to be and what NOT to be.  But they are our mother for a reason and if we honor them something blossums in the relationship overtime.  Not give in!  But honor.  They have issues too.  They don't always have the right words.  But they are our mother and all that is wrapped up in that.  You know what that feeling is like.  Make the world a better place, one minute at a time.  We can do that.

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