I was wondering if anybody else thought that being a stay at home mom is a "SACRIFICE".  I hear people say that and I think that maybe they have it wrong.  Maybe the sacrifice is actually not being a stay at home mom.  It seems to me that by going to work and chasing the "Joneses" is actually sacrificing your kids.  My mom was a stay at home Mom and I turned out fine.  I look at those whose Mom worked and they seem to have more problems than I did.  Crime sure has not gone down since Moms went to work.  I cant think of a "SACRIFICE" that I have made, it seems to me it is a GIFT to my children and the rest of society.  Anybody feel that way?

Views: 1083

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

First, I've never once heard anyone say that a stay at home parent is sacrificing their children or their well being by being at home with them.

Second...I'm a working mom and take great offense to pretty much all of what you said. 

 

a) I don't work to "chase the Joneses"...I work to pay the bills and NOT be on welfare or any form of government assistance. 

b) How is paying my bills and NOT being on government assistance sacrificing my child?  Should I stay home and let taxpayers pay my bills?  Would that teach him responsibility?  I'm not saying that all stay at home parents are on welfare either...but if I did stay home, I would have to be since I have only one income.

c) Children with working parents do NOT have problems because their parents work...maybe because their parents don't know how to parent, but NOT because they chose to or have to have a job.

 

Being able to stay home with your children is a wonderful gift...but not everyone can or wants to, it's just a fact of life.  Personally, I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mom, even if I could.  I'm just not that kind of parent.  I don't think my son being in school all day, while I work, is in ANY way harming him.  Actually, we just found out that he's in the top accelerated class for his grade and he's very well-rounded... doesn't look like he's suffered to much for my working to pay the bills.

 

If you don't agree with working moms, so be it, but it's NOT your place to judge (yep, you're judging) parents that have a different mentality or lifestyle than you do.  As parents, stay at home or working, we need to support each other...not tear one another down for the decisions that we have to make to support our families.

I think some people mean that they go without things that they and their family would normally be able to have if they did work. In other words they are sacrificing be it cable TV or family vacations to be able to stay at home with their kids.

However, for you to say that moms who work are sacrificing their family to "chase the Joneses" is a bit rude don't you think???? First off there are more than a mom or few million out there that work because they have to. Not to keep up with anyone but to be able to putfood on the table. Regardless of it they have a partner or not. Also, women have been working since the dawn of time while having kids so this bit of crime being more since moms went to work is a bit far fetched. Heck on both sides of my family the women worked before during and after kids and guess what every darn generation of us has turned out just fine and dandy. None of us are criminals, no one has been to jail etc. I know for fact that bothof my great-grandmothers worked one was a seamstress the other worked on the farm along side my great-grandfather and I can gaurantee that is more work in a day than most do in a month.

Then, you have those that work because they want to because they enjoy it. Some people feel like they are not contributing if they are not working or maybe they don't like to explain why they are buying Jr a new pair of shoes. I work because I like to get out of the house I don't like having to explain why I am buying my kid something new oh, I hate asking anyone for money. And quite frankly I like making my own money.

However, it seems to me from your post that you think that those of you that stay at home and your kids are better off for it. Sorry but you are way off base with that one. You and your kids are no better than those of us that work (for whatever reason) and our kids. I have seen more than a kid or two turn out to be a little thug even though mommy stayed home with them and didn't work. My girls are honor roll students, well behaved, I can and have taken them anywhere and everywhere to always get compliements on their behavior, etc. They also know what it means to be a strong independent woman and not have to depend on a man or woman for what they want or desire. They also know that if my other half every abuses us I have money in the bank to up and leave if need be and not stay because I don't have a job and no money because he or she controls it all.

I would give anything to be a stay at home mom!! I like to work, but i also know exactly what time i'm missing that i'll never get back with him. But.. some people like to work and like having that break during the day away from their kids. So i guess it all depends on who you ask :-) There's always pros and cons.. i don't see it as a "sacrafice" either way.. if they are in daycare and school, they are learning and are around other peers. If they are at home with mom or dad there is no getting used to being around others to have to learn how to share and wait your turn..and that could hinder them when they start school. So.. either or. I don't know if my son would benefit more either way.. i think it would be an even balance. There's things at school he can do that he wouldn't at home.. there's things at home he wouldn't get at school.. so it depends on how you look at it. :-)

"chasing the jonsesssss"ouch. that was harsh. Not what I'm doing working lol. My mom was a full time working mother, cooked, spottless house, great marriage and my sister and I turned out just fine. Both well rounded and very close to our parents. I belive my boys will be just fine as well because they have GREAT parents. Hard working parents. Yes, if i had the oppurtunity to stay home I would love it but thats just not an option. Either way because of mine and my hubbys parenting my kids wont sacrifice anything nor will we. They have a great life :)

Good, I'm not the only one who was offended!

I'm a single mom who HAS to work to pay my bills and provide the best I can for my daughter.

I agree with everything you said, JoeysMom! :-)

JoeysMom said:

First, I've never once heard anyone say that a stay at home parent is sacrificing their children or their well being by being at home with them.

Second...I'm a working mom and take great offense to pretty much all of what you said. 

 

a) I don't work to "chase the Joneses"...I work to pay the bills and NOT be on welfare or any form of government assistance. 

b) How is paying my bills and NOT being on government assistance sacrificing my child?  Should I stay home and let taxpayers pay my bills?  Would that teach him responsibility?  I'm not saying that all stay at home parents are on welfare either...but if I did stay home, I would have to be since I have only one income.

c) Children with working parents do NOT have problems because their parents work...maybe because their parents don't know how to parent, but NOT because they chose to or have to have a job.

 

Being able to stay home with your children is a wonderful gift...but not everyone can or wants to, it's just a fact of life.  Personally, I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mom, even if I could.  I'm just not that kind of parent.  I don't think my son being in school all day, while I work, is in ANY way harming him.  Actually, we just found out that he's in the top accelerated class for his grade and he's very well-rounded... doesn't look like he's suffered to much for my working to pay the bills.

 

If you don't agree with working moms, so be it, but it's NOT your place to judge (yep, you're judging) parents that have a different mentality or lifestyle than you do.  As parents, stay at home or working, we need to support each other...not tear one another down for the decisions that we have to make to support our families.

I was a working single mother until my daughter was 5, I was not trying to keep up with the Jones's or anyone else, I was trying to keep up with Ocala Utility, Ma Bell, the landlord and other necessities. Any free time I had I spent with my daughter. Yes there were sacrifices that I made but I made them for my daughter, there were no fancy dresses or nice cars, my daughter had a roof over her head, food in her stomach and clothes on her back. Yes I have done the stay at home Mom for some years and there were a lot of cut backs like going down to basic cable, no internet, no movies, but we have all done that at times. We all make sacrifices one way or the other. It's the parents that feel the children are a burden and do not make the sacrifices that have problem children. Wether your are a stay at home Mom or a working Mom you should be proud that you are doing it for your children.

Very well put Theresa

There are sacrifices that we all make whether we work or not. The only thing that I'll never understand is families who could afford for one parent to stay home for a few years but don't. I mean.. you HAVE a child or children because you want to be a parent, right? So if you can do then whey not?

Those first few years are so important. I just spent a few hours in the baby room at the local preschool. The woman who ran the room was not someone I would want spending an extended period of time taking care of my baby. She wasn't mean or abusive, but she seemed apathetic and distracted. I felt bad for the babies and just wanted to hold all of them!

My advice to anyone considering staying home would be.. if you can do it even for 2 years, 3 years.. then do it. You can't get that time back.

Is it hard? HELL YES!

Do you have to give up a lot? YES!

Jobs will come and go, money as well.. but our children are only little once. And that time is fleeting.

Not everyone WANTS to be a stay at home parent.  Yes, I HAD a child because I wanted to be a parent...but being a parent doesn't mean you can't have a career and having a career DOES NOT make me a bad parent.  What's right for you isn't what's right for everyone...and how I (or any other parent really) live my life really isn't for you to "understand".

 

Choosing to work, instead of stay home, doesn't make someone any less of a parent.  Judging others for their decision to work or not is just ridiculous.  Working mothers and stay at home mothers should SUPPORT the others decision...not try and make out like the other is doing something wrong by working or not working.



LittleMonkeysMom said:

There are sacrifices that we all make whether we work or not. The only thing that I'll never understand is families who could afford for one parent to stay home for a few years but don't. I mean.. you HAVE a child or children because you want to be a parent, right? So if you can do then whey not?

Those first few years are so important. I just spent a few hours in the baby room at the local preschool. The woman who ran the room was not someone I would want spending an extended period of time taking care of my baby. She wasn't mean or abusive, but she seemed apathetic and distracted. I felt bad for the babies and just wanted to hold all of them!

My advice to anyone considering staying home would be.. if you can do it even for 2 years, 3 years.. then do it. You can't get that time back.

Is it hard? HELL YES!

Do you have to give up a lot? YES!

Jobs will come and go, money as well.. but our children are only little once. And that time is fleeting.

well said! :-) i don't understand it either.... if only i had the option. I'd be there in a heartbeat! :-)
 
LittleMonkeysMom said:

There are sacrifices that we all make whether we work or not. The only thing that I'll never understand is families who could afford for one parent to stay home for a few years but don't. I mean.. you HAVE a child or children because you want to be a parent, right? So if you can do then whey not?

Those first few years are so important. I just spent a few hours in the baby room at the local preschool. The woman who ran the room was not someone I would want spending an extended period of time taking care of my baby. She wasn't mean or abusive, but she seemed apathetic and distracted. I felt bad for the babies and just wanted to hold all of them!

My advice to anyone considering staying home would be.. if you can do it even for 2 years, 3 years.. then do it. You can't get that time back.

Is it hard? HELL YES!

Do you have to give up a lot? YES!

Jobs will come and go, money as well.. but our children are only little once. And that time is fleeting.

Please understand I wasn't judging and I NEVER said you were a bad parent. It's just something I don't get. If you are financially able to stay home then why not do it for a few years? A career will always be there. I guess I'm too much of a black and white person. I know people who would KILL to be home with their kids if they could afford it and I also know people who COULD afford it but don't. I mean.. I WANTED to be there for the first rolling over, crawling, walking, talking. I didn't want those experiences to happen with anyone else but us.

It isn't all apple pie in the sky but it's what I signed up for.

JoeysMom said:

Not everyone WANTS to be a stay at home parent.  Yes, I HAD a child because I wanted to be a parent...but being a parent doesn't mean you can't have a career and having a career DOES NOT make me a bad parent.  What's right for you isn't what's right for everyone...and how I (or any other parent really) live my life really isn't for you to "understand".

 

Choosing to work, instead of stay home, doesn't make someone any less of a parent.  Judging others for their decision to work or not is just ridiculous.  Working mothers and stay at home mothers should SUPPORT the others decision...not try and make out like the other is doing something wrong by working or not working.



LittleMonkeysMom said:

There are sacrifices that we all make whether we work or not. The only thing that I'll never understand is families who could afford for one parent to stay home for a few years but don't. I mean.. you HAVE a child or children because you want to be a parent, right? So if you can do then whey not?

Those first few years are so important. I just spent a few hours in the baby room at the local preschool. The woman who ran the room was not someone I would want spending an extended period of time taking care of my baby. She wasn't mean or abusive, but she seemed apathetic and distracted. I felt bad for the babies and just wanted to hold all of them!

My advice to anyone considering staying home would be.. if you can do it even for 2 years, 3 years.. then do it. You can't get that time back.

Is it hard? HELL YES!

Do you have to give up a lot? YES!

Jobs will come and go, money as well.. but our children are only little once. And that time is fleeting.

I have been on both sides of the coin.  With my first two, I was back to work a month after they were born because I had bills to pay and no one but me to pay them.  With my last one, I stayed home for the first two years and now work part time.  Now, to be honest, I did like that I had unlimited time with the little one when he was a baby, HOWEVER, I was a much happier and saner person when I worked with the younger ones.  Sometimes, 24/7 with anyone, including your kids can be a bit too much.  And frankly, I find that the older kids that went to daycare at an early age are much more well rounded from early social interaction.  The younger one who has never been to daycare is socially retarded and is going to be in for a major shock when he starts pre-k.  My middle son who was in daycare from a month old is in gifted and does work on a level three grades above him.

And by the way, not all people have kids that are planned and they have the whole thing mapped out.  Some people are doing the best they can day to day, so cut them some slack please. 

Reply to Discussion

RSS

© 2014   Created by Ocalamom Webmaster.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service